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A note that reads "hey twit, ever notice how this space fits 2 small cars?? or just one stupid small car that parks inconsiderately"

Assertion: Safely meeting needs

It is hard to assert: to stand up for yourself without encroaching on somebody else’s territory. Even when you assert well, you may encounter defensiveness and hostility. Is it worth it? Well, yes it is. Assertion allows you to get your needs met, while avoiding the pitfalls of submissiveness (in which your needs are neglected) or aggressiveness […]

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Someone says "1+1" the other reflects "2". They love each other.

Reflective Listening: the path to understanding

Listening is a search to find the treasure of the true person, as revealed verbally and nonverbally. (John Powell) In my last post here, I wrote about roadblocks to communication. When listening, “advising” or “reassuring” can undermine good communication and disservice the listener. Having described what not to do, I’ll now draw again upon Bolton’s People […]

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a cartoon of a car being blocked by hurdles reading "advising" and "reassuring"

Two roadblocks to communication: advising and reassuring

People Skills is a book by Robert Bolton in which he meticulously details different tools, attitudes and frameworks to get better at communication. The first chapter of the book deals with ‘roadblocks’ to communication [1]: particular behaviours that endanger understanding. Some of these, like ‘criticising’ and ‘ordering’ are pretty obvious. Some are less so, and […]

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street art of a naked male figure

Past Lust

It was one of the most intimate experiences of my life. When she arrived we’d both already eaten dinner, so we made a self-saucing pudding together. While it baked we watched a documentary, our bodies close together on a couch. Soon, our dessert was ready. There really is something about baking. I can honestly say […]

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“Will love tear us apart?”: Game? Song? Artwork?

http://willlovetearusapart.com is not fairly described as a “game”. Nor is it an “artwork” as we think of them. Perhaps it is best called an “experience”: an experience of exploring the artist’s response to Joy Division’s “Love will tear us apart” by interacting with a game. Will love tear us apart creates a simulacrum of a […]

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me wearing only a towel, but it covers most my body.

Content in the Body

This is a curious thing to say, but I rather like my body. It has been quite good to me. In 2012 my feet took my hundreds of kilometres from Port Augusta to Adelaide. They complained a bit, they griped, but they obligingly, companionably, took me all the distance. My legs served me well during […]

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What’s “love” got to do with it?

On May 6, 2010, Savage Love featured a letter from “Transitions and Crossroads.” The writer asked about her prospects with a guy who wanted to reevaluate the relationship. “I can’t say that I’m sure I’m in love with him”, she wrote, “but I do know that we thoroughly enjoy each other’s company and miss each […]

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a picture of freshly-cooked vegan cinnamon scrolls

On pairing and repairing

She and I woke up a couple of hours ago. Most of our morning so far was spent in bed, not cavorting but caressing. Tenderly, lovingly, longingly. I’m now languidly preparing breakfast. A third person joins us and comments on some baked buns, the fruit of last night’s culinary labours. I thank them and considering […]

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a pizza oven with embers burning

“The 5 Love Languages”, Gary Chapman: Making Love Felt

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts is a book by Gary Chapman with an invaluable message: that humans communicate love using five distinct “languages”. We each have a different primary love language, and we feel most loved when love is expressed to us in that language. Conversely, relationships falter not necessarily […]

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a picture of a grape growing on the vine, like a love, one that will hopefully last!

What Makes a Love Last?

For a new love to last is nothing short of remarkable. Love might be conceived in an instant, but its gestation takes time and is fraught. For a zygotic love to go to full term is exceptional – far more loves miscarry than don’t. What forces might affect the prospects of a new relationship? I’d […]

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